Pauline Friedman Phillips died this week. She was 94 and known to the world as the advice columnist Dear Abby. Her twin sister Esther, or Eppie, was known as Ann Landers, and also an esteemed syndicated advice giver. They were both Jewish. Born in Iowa to a Russian immigrant father who became a success by owning a chain of movie theaters. Both Pauline and her sister married Jewish men as well, with an equal ambition and work ethic and just overall bent towards success. Pauline’s husband was the heir to a liquor fortune and Eppie’s husband founded Budget Rent A Car. Jews, including these female twins, whom life could not keep from doing, striving, achieving.
I know they talk about how people in other countries live longer, how they take all of August off. How they wile away Sundays dozing after a big family feast. Americans, New Yorkers, Jews, don’t. Well, they may, but basically the inner drive is to keep on doing, to not (ever) slack off. To achieve.
When the boys were first born there was not a thank you note I did not send straight off when some new burp cloths or silver rattles arrived at our doorstep. Our birth announcements were all immediate. Planned way before the due dates. I get out Christmas cards in November practically. My to-do list is my every day marathon in achievement. Getting it all done. Homework by all four who get it now is completed Monday night. I was Phi Beta Kappa. I am the only kid who did not want to be at St. Ann’s School in Brooklyn (which has now become this hotspot of the children of Martin Amis and Rachel Weisz — married to James Bond — and the creators and stars of Girls). I wanted grades, fierce competition. I wanted to show my teeth.
It’s just not Jewish to be laid back, to not try hard, to not work basically. You always try to be better, do better, rise to the top. It’s in our blood. It’s hard sometimes in Greece, though a nice break and getaway I suppose (though I am adding up how my children are benefiting from it: language, travel, swimming improvement). But it’s odd that Greeks do actually take a nap (!), then shower and go out to eat, at 10 or 11, then go to a bar, then to a club, and home around 4ish, and these are people in their early forties! Who supposedly have kids. Jobs. But I suppose no stress.
I think that that Stress gets a bad rap. But it’s really not the worst. To me, to see someone not trying, taking too much vacation, not working just seems insane. I admire those who wake up every day prepared to climb a mountain, who have daily, weekly, (heck) hourly goals. Who want to get to the top of their own personal heap. This I get, this I admire. This actually works for me.
“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.” — Abigail Van Buren (aka Dear Abby)
